life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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