oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
