take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
