I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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