it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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