I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
