The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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