There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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