Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
