scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All the doctor said was why
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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