I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
