I wannas sexs uuuuu
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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