The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sorry my hands just texted you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
