I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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