i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
