Welp...herpes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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