So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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