since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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