i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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