mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
