I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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