My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
