I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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