Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
