So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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