I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
