she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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