Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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