I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
