I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
