We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
