nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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