so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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