Sry I called you an 8
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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