Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I want her autograph on my taint
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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