I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
