I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
