Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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