i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
where does the pee come out of this thing
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
