I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
