she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
