if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
