well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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