Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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