I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
