Where did you get a picture of my penis
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
