Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
