I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
