Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
