i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hippo gnu deer
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
