i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
