I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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