do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who died my cat blue again?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
