Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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